Sister Nicole Stevenson: MTC ROUND 2

Sister Stevenson's Letter
Oct 19, 2016:

HEY! so yep you probably guessed it i dont want to leave the mtc;( i dont like change so thats probably why and also it is so "easy" compared to the outside world. I mean its been the most challenging two weeks of my life but I know that it is going to be the easiest thing i do all mission. I mean they give you a schedule, tell you exactly what to do (dont have to go just sit in picnic chairs at smith;) then they give you people to teach and if you screw up then one they are probably members and two if they aren't they have like 10 other missionaries teaching them. and also you have teachers that you can ask anything and they will give you an answer or help you find one. But i know that i have to leave because i cant progress from a certain point here but it will be sad. Also, believe it or not i have really come to like my district. The really talkative kid that never shuts up well apparently the other Elders think he is super annoying, surprise surprise and we got partnered for an activity. He really poured his heart out and started crying and was really down. He said that no one from home really cares that I left and no one here really cares that I am here. So I started to share the clique you have a purpose and then I was like no he doesn't need to here that he knows that. Instead I shared moroni 10 about charity. It is all about charity and if you have charity then you wont have regrets no matter what anyone else does to you. It was a good experience. They are all like my little brothers which apparently is very offensive to them which i think is stupid. We have had some good times. It is so weird how much can happen in one week. I wrote a letter and was going to send it in the mail but might as well just send it in an email.

and if you dont want to read the massive story of my inner thoughts here is a summary.

IT is all about Christ and Love. Make those the center of your life and miracles will happen. Charity never faileth.

and you can just skip down to the bottom as well

This was on friday i wrote it

Dear fam,

I am sitting outside under the yellow fall leaves. Fall is really beautiful here. It is crazy to think that I am on a mission right now. it is my time to play and hopefully i am ready. the mtc is such a nice little bubble and a part of me never wants to leave but i know i can only grow so much. I was super sick yesterday (THursday), voice completely gone and light headed type thing but just kept going, cause thats what you do(I have actually noticed that compared to other people I am not a baby when Im sick bc I know that it can always get worse so why pull the sick card until you are completely passed out ;) but yestday was definitely a reality check for me and a lit of soul searching. I want to be better but its hard work and i have to realize that i have only been out a week, I shouldnt expect to be the greatest person or missionary yet. Its just hard because i know i have the potential. It takes time to be christlike. It only matters that i am a little bit better today than i was yesterday and sometimes you take two steps backwards or maybe even five but thats okay. my comp and i had a terrible lesson and we weren't in sync and it just threw us off because the night before (last wednesday) we were in fire in class. one of our teachers brother neilsen taught about the plan of salvation and it was so amazing. He is the kind of teacher that teaches in a way that you teach yourself and se we were going ovet the steps of the plan and he crossed it out and was like this is not the plan, this is just the diagram. the pan is jesus christ and that really struck me that the paln is all centered on christ. i know that seems like a basic cincept but it we truly all believed that our lives would change. and then in class we precceeded to go step by sxtelp and ask ourselves where is christ in this part and then have to come up with a real question and then why that it central to us. like the creation it says "Under the direction of the father jesus christ created the earth" we all know that but why is it important to know that jesus christ created the earth. And i never really thought about it but how nice is it to know that the eorson that realy knws you, know your thoughts, has experienced what you have gone through also knows what you live in. I mean mom and dad know me the best but they dont know where i live righ tnow where my rrom is or calssroom is but how nice would it be if i knew that they created it (now that i am typing this out this doesn't really seem like a big deal but honestly it was so crazy to me finding the importance of christ in each step like adam and eve and the fall everything. Go through each step of the plan and ask yourself how does this change my view of my life, it was really powerful to me. then after calss i was so pumped. i mean i haven't been more excited. we went to the trc, which i know is basically a sham and false reality but we had such a great lesson with emi apparently she posted a pic of us on facebook. And it was the first lesson that i really felt confident about. But that was wednesday, in my journal i wrote "BEST DAY EVER IN THE MTC ( which it totally was i mean it was pday, temple, mary, email, class, lesson). however thursday like i said was the worst day. woke up with my voice completely gone and our lesson was terrible. After our lesson our poor teacher, we totally unloaded on him. We just came in and started going at it. I could care less who was listening, one of those moods that mom and natalie knows haha like cant stop talking, saying anything in my brain haha. then i was really struggling with where i am like i want to be better and be a great teacher and i know i am but i just wish i knew how to do it. Also, i am scared that when i come home that i will have never reached my mark of where i want to be, i mean then i would have wasted the last 18 months (that was my thought process on thursday). Also, i just feel like i could be a better person. Then Brother Neilsen, after probably just thinking how crazy we were/me had us turn to the scripture of not running faster than you can. and said sometimes we have too high of expectations for us. and then i just looked down because that was me at that moment. i mean i have only been out a week now two. it so stupid to think that i should be like our teachers. also i am not even learning a language so what do i have to complain about ha. so yah that was a good reality check for me. but of course i couldnt stop thinking and turning off my brain so i ask what do you do when you have a bad day or just dont feel spiritual because you always have those days. Brother neilsen listened to us again and just sat there. he didn't really have anything to say which is the first time i swear he is going to be an apostle one day. but then he had us turn to enoch. but i had no clue how that applied to me haha so stupid. he just said that and left it at that and i thought yah finally he doesn;t have anything to read or say to us. little did i know that it totally applies to me. Elder Holland taught me that, a video we watch, he told us the story of enoch and i felt stupid haha. then brother neilsen had us wrote some goals. All of them related to charity. because honestly without christ and without charity we all are pointless. It doesn't matter how elegant you speak or how well you know the scriptures(though that does help a ton) without charity it doesn't matter. And he had us take the christ like attribute test but i havent yet...too scared haha;) But honestly, it is all about love and making christ the center of our lives because it will truly change who we are and how we interact with everyone around us. We will all have bad days but with ove and christ those bad days will be better and christ will carry us through.

there is so much to write. i mean i need to perfect this email thing because this was just one day haha. i will learn and wont be offended if you dont read it.

and know that I am doing much better because I realized that I am being ridiculous when I think that I should be an amazing missionary. Greatness takes time and hard work. So that is what I am doing, working hard and relying on God and Christ's atonement to make me better. So don't worry about me...well not yet- i leave Monday morning at 4:30 from the MTC and my flight is at 8:50 and then I will be on a bike so prayers will be needed haha.

love to all

sis steve